the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
