Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
