just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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