I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Why is there bacon in the couch?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
