my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
