This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
