it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
PANTIES FOUND
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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