Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
