YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize