and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
