i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
