I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
