yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
