ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
