I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
