You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i now understand why vodka
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
