How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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