something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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