her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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