I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Randomize