So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
