No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
