Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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