i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
