ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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