i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
