dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
