Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
