Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Hippo gnu deer
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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