im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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