why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
