Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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