God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
