she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
