Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
