Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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