He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
