I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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