I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
