Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
