i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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