you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
