just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
