I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
