there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
