i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
