hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
