I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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