I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
