I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
