john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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