ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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