just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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