You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
