I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
