the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
