No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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