He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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