i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize