Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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