I've blown a few things in my day
fuck your aforementioned shoe
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
my poor anus
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize