well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
