You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
