The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
