he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
