i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
