dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
